Monthly Archives: January 2015

Weakness

Butterfly

I will spare you a list of my goals for the new year. It’s a very tiny list in my mind with only two things written on it.

To be honest with you, the things I really long for this year don’t seem to fit on that list.

I long to be more transparent with my friends, to depend on God more instinctively, to love Nathan more selflessness, and to listen more intentionally. Things that cannot be checked off a list.

The tendency of my heart is to create some new system of rules in which I can accomplish these things effortlessly. A few months ago, I made a new goal of waking up early every morning and stuck to it diligently until December came and all the holiday plans and travels won over my exhausted self. In this experience of failing my own goal (and countless others), the voice of disappointment weighs over me. You’ll never be enough is its oft repeated lie.

In some ways, it’s true: I will never be enough. I will never have it all together.

And that’s okay. (more…)